Dating 101 - Guidelines For Meeting The Love Of Your Life

As with anything, it's good to know what you want and have a plan to guide you toward your goal. This is especially true with dating due to the intense emotions involved that make things confusing. It may seem that a plan could kill the romance, but just the opposite is true. Knowing how to handle challenges allows you to relax and enjoy yourself because it creates clarity when intense emotions arise.

The purpose of creating a dating plan is to build trust with a potential partner slowly over time. This will give you the room to find out if the person you're dating is a healthy person for you. Remember, you want to fall in love with someone good for you and do it differently this time. The steps below provide a useful structure so you can be conscious and change your patterns. There are no quick fixes, but putting your focused attention on what's important does make a difference.

1. Meet in a neutral place like a cafe, especially if you've never met the person. This allows you to relax and feel safe both emotionally and physically.

2. Have your first date be a coffee date so there is a minimal investment until you know that you want to spend more time with this person. Having dinner together, especially when alcohol is involved, can compromise your ability to hold your boundaries.

3. Make your dates time limited and schedule something after your date so you can hold the boundaries. It's easy to get intoxicated and lose track of time especially when you're attracted to someone. Remember the whole idea is to remain connected to yourself while connecting with a potential partner.

4. Be clear about your sexual boundaries. How long do you want to wait before having sex with someone? If you just wait and see how you feel, you know what will happen! If you're sexual too soon, you'll lose yourself and your ability to see clearly.

5. Keep your dates with the same person to once a week at first. This will give you time to integrate your experience and see how it really feels to be with this person. Many of us know how it is to suddenly be spending every night with someone while the rest of your life fades into the background. Value yourself by keeping a balance and staying connected to other people.
This plan is a beginning and you need to find what is right for you. Relationships can be complex and unpredictable. We invite you to access our services for personal guidance to make a plan that works specifically for you. Call for a free initial phone consultation.

Lorraine Platt, LMFT

Lorraine Platt is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who supports women to create their ideal relationship. She draws from a variety of disciplines including breath and body-centered therapies. Her unique approach combines Buddhism, Breathwork, Focusing, and the work of David Deida. In addition to her Women's Groups, Couple and Individual sessions, she facilitates Single's Seminars with her husband Richard. She can be reached at 415-302-1700 or lorraine@passionpurpose.org